O' MY SHADOW....

O' my shadow

Come back to me

Lets go to some far away place

Where we could find a piece of solace

Every thinking is a blocked lane

Every moment is making me insane

There are locks to every heart here

Its a very difficult sight to bear

If it is possible, i would erase my name

Let me become just a human being with no shame

When it rains, it showers on everyone's house

Only a man asks for names

Which gives birth to twisted games 

Wish I could write on everybody's head, 

Write on everybody's hand

No one should be less or more, 

Give one name to everyone.....

Don't make pieces of this one land

Don't turn it into sand

When everyone are same

Then don't differentiate them

Love your close ones as much as you can

But don't hate me, my friend

Wish it was possible to color everyone's face

Let every human being guess

No one would be black or white

It would be a pretty sight

Give one color to everyone

Living under one sky and share one sun....

 O' my shadow

Come back to me

Lets go to some far away place

Where we could find a piece of solace.... 

STORY OF A PESSIMISTIC CLOTHE...

I just came out of the bathroom after taking a shower for a long time and was putting my used clothes into the laundry hamper.Putting those set of clothes was like a Herculean task.They turned out to be one mighty set of talkative clothes!!!

Clothe (C): Hey, what you goin' to do with me now?

Me: Put you into the laundry hamper.

C: And why would you do that?

Me: So that I can take all my used clothes to the washing machine later..

C: A washing machine? You mean I will get washed there?

Me: (sarcastically) Holla! you are so intelligent!

C: Are you crazy?? I will just drown in all that soap water! Washing machines are merciless machines. They just keep churning you in water!

Me: Would you please relax? All clothes are washed, okay!! It’s always been so! You are not the first one!

C: Don't you ever wonder why they stop talking once they are washed? Cause they die, you idiot!

Me: No offense, but clothes aren't living things. They are dead already so they can’t die again!

C: Alright alright... Go ahead and kill me, you inhuman human! But one day, I tell you, one day there is going to be a clothe court and they will see to it that justice is given to us clothes! And then take my word, be prepared to spend ages and ages in clothe prison!

Me: Sigh! So what do you want me to do? You want me to leave you all dirty?

C: I don’t mind.. :)

Me: Obviously, you won’t! It’s me who is going to wear you and not the other way!

C: So you don’t take shower either. I don’t mind having to spend my time with a dirty girl...

Me: What??

C: Oh yes... And that also means more free time for you. And that means more sleep.

I thought for a while. Though the offer did seem to interest me for a while I had to get back to reality.

“You almost got me there”. I took it to washing and the next time I took it to wear I heard someone cursing.

Me: Still alive?

C: Don’t talk to me :/

Me: What happened?

C: As if you don't know what happened! Miss Rini, You dipped me in soap water. Do you know what it feels like to have chemicals all over yourself? Killing me was better..

Me: But see, you didn’t drown..

C: No... now that I learned to swim I have no hope of suicide!!

LONG LIVE SLEEP!!!!

Imaginary buddy, Timmy and I at one of our useless hours (yeah, you are right!!we got plenty of them).

Me: Hey Timmy boy!

Timmy: Yes Rini?

Me: I made a discovery :)

Timmy: And what is it about?

Me: You know about sleeping

Timmy: Yea I know a bit about it.

Me: Hmmm.. Then you should know this too.

Timmy: What?

Me: It is a heavenly experience.

Timmy: Oh that!! Yea I knew it.

Me: Really?

Timmy: Yeah, knew it since i was a kid

Me: Good for you! Took me so many years

Timmy: You know what Rini... It is the sun

Me: The sun?

Timmy: Yes nincompoop, The sun!!

Me: What did the sun do?

Timmy: He rose

Me: He?? Err.. Timmy sun isn't exactly the same as SON! But anyway,coming back to the topic, "He" shouldn’t have, bad thing to do that.

Timmy: I know

Me: But sleeping, that’s an awesome thing

Timmy:Yes Rini!!

Me: Angelic

Timmy: Most wonderful thing on earth

Me: Not at all like the sun?

Timmy: Not at all like the sun. It rises

Me: And wakes up people?

Timmy: Exactly!!! Even those who don’t want to wake up

Me: That's really nasty!

Timmy: Very very

Me: I have an idea!

Timmy: what idea?

Me: We could hide it somewhere.

Timmy: The sun?

Me: Yea

Timmy: Don't you think that's little difficult.

Me: Well you know for the sake of sleep-loving nice innocent humans

Timmy: Yep..Worth a shot

Me: May be some day

Timmy: Yea some day

Me: 'Cause now of course, is our sleep time

Timmy: When is it not?

Me: Ah that’s the beauty of sleep Timmy boy!! No fuss. It comes any time

Timmy: There is nothing like sleep

Me: Long live sleep!

Timmy: Hail hail sleep

Me: Long...live.. sleee.. uhh…zzzzzzzzz

Timmy: Hail…. Snoreeeeeeee

THEORY ON RELATIONSHIPS :P

Latest theory formed by the RINI School of Relationships is that everyone who is in a relationship becomes helplessly immature. Study of varied specimen and speciwomen proved that every little thing seems like a volcanic gigantic problem at the time.

 

Cure: None so far since absence of the above symptom means relationship ceases to exist (or one of them is cheating).

Disclaimer: Theory comes from study/observation of sample pieces and has no direct link to author’s personal life.

Note: The author shall not take any consultations (no bar for consultation/ thank-you charges).

ME v/s MOSQUITO

It was 1 am. I was preparing myself to hit the bed  But at that time, I saw this mosquito playing around. As usual, I tried to clap my hands – with it in between. And as usual, I missed it. The mosquito, whom i have named Mos, flew away and found a spot on the roof to rest.
 

Me: Hey, come over here. It is my job as a human to kill you.
 

Mos: Haa...And it is my job as a mosquito to escape humans and bite them hard when they are not aware.

Me: That’s not your job! You have to do it if u don't want to die out of starvation!! That's your life.

Mos: Our job is our life.

Me: Haa! That is the only job you mosquitoes do! Look at us. We have got different jobs to perform. Some of us are accountants, some docs, engineers, artists, singers, journalists, etc. All of you are just biters! And not even specialized. Only human biting!

Mos: Yea but we are all just mosquitoes. We aren’t Hindu mosquitoes or Muslim mosquitoes or Christian mosquitoes.

Me: Oh… you got something there. Hmmmm... That's interesting. You know what, you will be the hero of my next story.

Mos: You humans are pathetic! You make everything a story!

Me: That’s because we are sort of imaginative species. How do you think you are talking now?

Mos: Uh… an undiscovered talent?

TIPS FOR TEENAGERS to BECOME NORMAL AGAIN!!!

Most of the young people (I say most because I am not too old! :P) don’t know how pathetic they have become nowadays.They live in a world where Sreesanth is a role model and Pepsi decides to name an entire country after them. But the truth is these young guys are illiterate, pretentious and largely clueless. In short, like Tusshar Kapoor. 

Thus, here is a list of steps they can take to become normal again.

Stop using “Ma”: I don’t know if you’re fans of Shashi Kapoor movies, but the next time you use “ma” in your sentence, someone will seriously break your teeth. Seriously, is this some faux attempt at proving your love for your mother? The word is “my”. Repeat after me.

“My name is Khan, and I’m a terribly horrible actor”

NOT

“Ma name izz Khan, I’m a superstarrrrrrrrrrr”

And while we’re on the subject, when did “Killer Shit” and “That’s gangster” become part of the lingo to express approval? What the hell is killer shit anyway? Do you suffer from anal cancer? And gangster? You’re telling me this happened because of Shiney Ahuja’s film of the same name? What time between the release of his movie and raping his maid did he bless us all with this ridiculous two words?

Stop watching SRK Movies: No. He is not the greatest actor of our generation and will never be. But i guess, you also believe he drives around Mumbai in a Hyundai i10 as well. Stop crying about him feeling bad that Kolkata loses almost every match in IPL. Stop telling me My Name is Khan was the greatest movie you ever saw. It only goes to show you have the same IQ as girls who scream in the movie hall every time Bobby Deol makes an appearance

Stop ranting about the EPL: NO ONE gives a damn about whether you support ManU or Barca. They’re not YOUR team and their success doesn’t mean that YOU won. No matter how many jersey’s you buy from a trip to China Market, no matter how many soccer shoes you buy and wear at inappropriate places, NO ONE gives a shit about it. Find some other purpose in life than tweet about players whose names you can’t pronounce and who you’ve only been exposed to in FIFA 2010.

Stop LOLing: If you take a walk down some parks early in the morning, you might come across groups of senior citizens holding their stomachs and making loud noises. I want you to observe this act very closely. It’s called LAUGHING. NOT LOLing. LAUGHING. Why the hell can't you laugh at a joke? Why do you have to say “LOL” in a conversation? It’s not a chat room where you’re trying to impress a bimbo.I’m standing IN FRONT OF YOU! Don’t you dare LOL me! If you want to smile, smile! If you want to laugh, laugh!

Stop showing me your boxers: Seriously boys, pull those pants up. I DON’T want to see your boxers. And I certainly don’t want to see your Fruit of the Loom. I don’t care if you’re wearing Rupa or Jockey’s. I don’t care if it messes with the chain that you’re hanging across the left side of your weird pants. For heaven's sake, Pull those idiotic jeans up!!

Stop pretending to be into hip-hop music: Just because your car has a bass tube (yea! i know what they are) and you listen to 50 Cent and Afro Man does not mean you love “Rap music”. Stick to rock, its easier to pull off being a fan of Nirvana.

Stop wearing Che Guevara T-Shirts: If the only thing you know is “he was the dude from Motorcycle Diaries”.

Stop putting obscure quotes and pictures as your status messages: Seriously, you’re trying to tell me you read Paulo Coelho's books like you drink water? Stop faking and pretending to be an intellectual. We all know you just Google quotes on love, success, friendship.

Stop reading Paulo Coelho: When the hell did Paulo Coelho become the must read author to prove your intelligence? Do you think reading “The Alchemist” is a short cut to become "the cool guy"? Don’t stick your stupid Facebook and twitter profiles with Paulo Coelho as your favourite author. It just tells me you don’t really read and just bought one at a railway station because everyone seemed to have one and you thought buying a foreign author book is much "cooler" than buying "Pinky" (though you badly wanted to read the latter!). 

Follow these steps, and you will definitely become a human being soon.

 

SINGING INSIDE A LIFT.......

I don't know if anyone has noticed yet but when i am inside a lift alone, i start to hum... and that humming turns into singing, depending on my destination floor...  So, one day, I was on a lift, I started to compose a poem.. 

“I dunno how, I dunno why, 

last Sunday you told me 

about a new hair dye.. 

but all that I can see…” I sang.

“Is just a small yellow black bee,” chipped in, my imaginary pal Timmy. We went on a chorus: 

“I am turning my head from left to right

I am turna turna turna turning it round, 

and all that I can see… 

is just another small yellow black bee.”

“That wasn’t too bad was it?”

“Absolutely not. Absolutely nothing”

“Uh ah… the song is quite soothing..” – in singing mode again. “Absolutely nothing,” Timmy sang.

“What would I do without you Timmy?”

“Very little Miss Rini, very little.”

It was our floor. I knew there was something odd as soon as I stepped out. Everyone were staring at me. Some of their faces looked familiar. Finally I reached a room where I saw Anil Kapoor. Ouch! I was on a shooting location, interrupting a scene. I ran back to the lift. 

“Oh no oh no oh shit shit shit”

“Rini, you are using the s-word.”

“Shut up Timmy. Aww gee that was so embarrassing. Do you think they will arrest me?”

“For being in a shooting location? Nahhh. Well it is a sort of trespass and considering that they took a whole floor for this very purpose… maybe they will give you a fine… hmm Rini, I think they will arrest you”

“Forget I asked”

The lift opened, the security caught me and took me right back up.This was it, I was going to be put in jail. “But I didn’t do anything wrong. There was no board saying no entry,” I was nervous.

When the lift opened director Yash Chopra was waiting. “Yash Chopra,” I hissed.

“Glad you recognized. Would you please step in?”

 “Listen Mr Yash ji, I had no idea. Look I am sorry alright, but you can’t really hold me up like this. I am just a college student!”

 “We were towards the end of a long scene when you interrupted. So we will have to do the whole scene again or explain your presence.”

“Oh. Does that mean I should pay a fine? I know the rules!” I blurted out. I looked at Timmy for support. The coward was hiding behind me.

At this point Mr.Kapoor joined and I reddened.

“Young girl…” he began.

“I am not a girl”. I sighed turning to Timmy. Timmy smirked.

“It is a big menace shooting the whole thing again”

“But you can’t arrest me for that!”

“Would you mind if we keep the scene that way?”

I reflected. Cool, finally my big chance to “act”. “No I wouldn’t. Wait let me think (had to play hard to get). Yeah it should be fine.”

“It should be, considering the skills we observed in surveillance camera when you were inside that lift.”

At this point I woke up. Actually I woke up a long time ago. And willfully daydreamed from where I stopped.Timmy is still smirking, idiot.. ;)