MY MUMMY'S DIALOGUES!

Okay.. I don't want you guys to think of me as an ungrateful girl. I love my parents... I really do.. but seriously yaar, there are few things which irks me about them. I do something, they have a problem... I don't do anything, still they have a problem... But again, I love them.. :-P Coming back to the topic, we all have that mother who constantly, like a broken tape recorder, yanks the same thing again and again. I heard it mom!! You don't have to tell me repeatedly every moment of my life. So, here are few dialogues which my pyaari si mummy says all the time....


1) Mein aaoon!! (Shall I come! or indirectly, it means Don't make me come): No guys.. This only looks like normal two words.. but mind ya, it isn't.. It is more scary to hear than a life threatening call from a terrorist group.
"Riniiiii.. You are speaking too loud on your phone..shall i come!!!????!!!" or "Riniiiii, You have been speaking for too long on phone..shall i come!!!???!!!" or "Riniiii.. What do you mean by you can't find those pair of socks?? Shall I come?? If I find it, then you will see what I am gonna do to you!!!"
Me: *starts shivering (with fear)* 

2) Agar tu exam mein 80% se upar nahin laayi, kaamwaali ko nikal le tujhe hi  kaam pe lagaa doongi!! (If you don't score more than 80% in your exams, then I will make you do all the household chores): I have been hearing this since the day I started my schooling...lol... It is one of her favourite dialogues. It's like I already had a job offer in case academics decides to ditch me!

3) Mein dekhoongi naa!! (I'll see): This dialogue is usually combined with the above dialogue. "Riniiii.. Why aren't you studying for your exams?? I'll see how much you score this time!!" 
My reply: "LOL"..

4) Tere jab bachche honge tab tujhe pata chalega (When you have kids of your own, then you will understand): What am i supposed to understand, mom? It's like you have already instructed my unborn kids to take revenge on me..ek naani ka pratishodh (a granny's revenge). :-D 


5) Hey Ram!! (Oh my god! Particularly Lord Rama! :-P): My mom uses this sentence, like 1000 times a day. "Hey Ram, Riniii.. Your room is a mess!" or "Hey Ram.. Maid isn't gonna come today" or "Hey Ram... It's raining outside!!". I don't understand what will Rama do in such cases.. Like, he is gonna come and clean my room! Although I  secretly pray that if he could come and save me from 'Maavan'.

6) Aaaah-haahaaa-ha!: This is the sound she makes to boost her own morale when everyone at home, except her, doesn't like what she has cooked. For obvious reasons, we (by we I mean, dad, bro and me) can't complain whatever and however she cooks. So we eat silently, giving each other sad looks. And all of a sudden, we hear "Aaaah-haahaaa-ha.. This veggie curry is sooo delicious. I bet no one can cook like me". And rest of us at the dining table think at the same time, "Yeah, no one can really cook like this!! (yiiikesss). And by any chance, if I open my mouth to complain, i would get to hear dialogue number (3) and (4) with complete details. 

7) Pura dinnnn (All day): "Riniiiiiii All day you are doin' taka tak taka tak sitting in front of your computer or on cellphone..Are you running a million dollar company?? What important business have you got?? Cell phone.. Computer..Computer..Cell phone... We are also alive..Talk to us..... blah blah" 
Me: Duh!! o.O

8) Pata nahin saas ke ghar mein yeh kya karegi (Dunno, what she is gonna do at her in-law's house): This is a typical dialogue which every Indian mother tells her daughter. "Riniiiiii.. Learn cooking... Pata nahin saas ke ghar mein tu kya karegi...." or "Riniiiiiiiii... Keep your room clean.. Pata nahin saas ke ghar mein tu kya karegi..."
Me: I guess my saas doesn't know to do all these stuffs.. o.O

9) Kahaan jaa rahi hai? Kab waapas aayegi? Itne saare friends kab banaaye? Ab yeh Meena kaun hai? Ab Sunita kaun si dost hai teri? Kab bane dost? Tune toh kabhi bataaya nahin mujhe pehle! (Where are you goin'? When will you come back? When did you make so many new friends? Who is this Meena? Who is this Sunita? When did you become friends with her? I have never heard of Meena before?)
I don't think I need to explain this harrowing experience which I go through all the time!! :-D

10) Tod de.. Naa naa beta.. Achche se tod de... Sab toh muft mein milta hai.. Sab kuch tod de!! (Break it.. No no.. Beak it properly... You get everything for free.. Break everything..)
Get to hear this, if by any chance, my phone slips from my hand and falls down.. It needn't be just phone. Even a pen will do the same work, effectively!! Grrrr....

11) Yeh hotel hai kya!!??!! (Is this a hotel?): 
Me, back from college: Mummy, what's for lunch? 
Mom: Whatever I have cooked, eat quietly!
Me: Mom, not cabbages again :-( :-( 
Mom: Rini, Is this is a hotel? No no.. tell me.. Is this a hotel?? Eat whatever has been cooked!!!"
Me: I don't want cabbages. I just had them yesterday. Not again!
Mom: So, you mean to say that you want new dishes everyday? What about a slap? want to have? No no.. tell me.. How many do you want? I can give them instantly!!
Me: I love cabbages.

12) Haaaayeinnnn.. Haaaaaayeinnnn.. Sunaayi nahin de raha hai (Can't hear you): 
(Mom in kitchen and I am in my room):
Me: Mommmmm... I can't find my shrug!
Mom: Haaaayeinnnn.. Haayeinnnn..
Me: Shruggggggg, Mummy...
Mom: Sunaayi nahin de raha hai..
Me: SHRUGGGG!
Mom: DRUG!! Rini?? You have started to take drugs??? This is why i never wanted to live in a big city.. omg.. What will I tell everyone? My kids are spoilt... Btw, is it heroin or cocaine?
Me: o.O

13) Pura chor hai (Complete thief): I dunno if a person can be a complete thief or an incomplete one but that's what my mom says.
During cricket match, India is batting and there, Dhoni goes out without making any run.
Mom: Yeh toh pura chor nikla (He has turned out to b a complete thief). Aaj toh India gayi (Today, India will lose for sure)!!
Me: Duh!

This list can go on and on and on. But the above 13 are my all time favourites.. Hehe... My mom can act like a Lady Hitler sometimes (err.. may be most of the times), but in the end, she is my mother.. a sweet and the most lovable one. Love you, Mummy.. :-*

SOLVING CROSSWORD PUZZLE!!

My imaginary friend, Timmy and I are trying to solve a crossword puzzle (yea yea, you all are thinking right- Great Minds at Work!!)....

Timmy: Rini, you are slow at this.

Me: Okay, Mr. Einstein. Tell me a type of melon.

Timmy: Water

Me: Smartpants, it is a 4 letter word.

Timmy: Pani

Me: Great... So, what's the word for a mixed feeling of anger and aggression?

Timmy: Grrr.

Me: Timmy!! It's a 12 letter word.

Timmy: Hmmmm.. Then write 11 R's and prefix it with 1 G. Grrrrrrrrrrr.. That's so simple, Rini.

Me: Wow. You are so good at this, Tim. What's the place which is filled with confusion, mess and uproar? Mind ya, it is a 6 letter word.

Timmy: Sweety, I don't think I have to tell you this one. You know this very well... ;)

Me: Oh yea, how can I not know this.. it is My-Room! 

SUICIDE: WHEN IN DOUBT, DO NOT CHECK OUT!

There was no reply, no reply at all. He must be busy; he must be busy with his ex-girlfriend he once so passionately spoke about. I was in torment. I cannot live like this, waiting for someone who doesn’t bother, who always finds excuses why he couldn’t call me. We lived in different states. We hardly met. How am I supposed to reach him? The anxiety and agony was too much to bear. It made me forget about the boy who had a crush on me, my parents who would love me to the end of their lives, and my sister who is my best friend. People who were still in my life, inspiring me, pampering me, loving me, missing me. And about me, that I was in one of the best colleges of India where people dreamt of studying.

I swallowed 10 tablets of Death, thinking never to look back again. I swallowed them fast before I change my mind. Now I was at peace that slowly that pain would end. I started analyzing everything. My life in college, my friends, my career, my parents, who loved me beyond everything, unconditionally. They sacrificed a lot for my studies and always made a point to fulfill my every demand. Oh, and when my time came, I repaid them like this. I started to think about my younger sister-she was in school. She loves me too. I remember when I got admitted to this college and had to shift to Gujarat, she used to call me and cry every day, she missed me like anything and it almost took a couple of months to get her back to normal. Poor thing, she would have to live without me now, throughout her life she would just miss me and couldn’t do anything about the pain. Was my love for the boy greater than the love of these people? No. but it was too late now.

I was scared now. I was scared of how much pain I am going to cause to the people who considered me their pride, love, life, everything. They never abandoned me, they never cheated on me, and they were always there whenever I needed them. They loved me without any conditions, any expectations. And what did I do? I stabbed them in their heart. Now their hearts would bleed for me. I have almost killed myself now, for a boy who doesn’t bother. God, what did I do? How can I undo this? I was already losing my mind. There was nobody home. My roommates were out. I could have called them, and told them, “please come, help me”. But what could I have possibly said that I have tried to kill myself. Could they ever reach in time? I was sure now that nothing could be done.

I was losing it, losing what people call life. I was waiting for that moment when my brain would stop thinking, stop remembering things, because it was painful. Painful, that I would die, without telling them goodbye. I have wasted my life of which I could have done so much, I could have been a fashion designer, I could have launched my label, I could have fulfilled my dream. I have killed that one chance which I was given in the form of life. I have closed my door towards God’s gift and I am dying. Weird, why now? I should have thought it before.

My vision was getting blurred. Were those tears that made it difficult to see or the pills did start taking their toll? Darkness, yes darkness was invading my universe. I was blinded. My eye lids were so heavy I couldn’t keep them open. Blackout.
Faintly, what I remembered was that I was in the washroom, vomiting. My friend was standing outside and crying and shouting. Finally, I fell on the floor and TOTAL ECLIPSE.

There were people who were tying my hands and legs, because I was crying and shouting out of pain when they were inserting a pipe down my nose and throat. Gosh, it was painful, suffocating. I wanted to break free. Am I dreaming? Am I dead? I murmured,” don’t tell to mom dad please”

After 3 days in the ICU, when I opened my eyes after what seemed an eternity, I saw my dad standing there at the door; I realized that I was still alive. They saved me. My friends took me to the hospital in time. I was saved. My dad sat by my side. He had tears in his eyes. I said,” SORRY, I AM SORRY PAPA”. And we cried together.

I don’t have any one line moral to tell you folks. I realized what is important when I had a brush with death. Don’t let any failures take charge of your emotions. Suicide is no way. It’s just a tragedy that leaves scars on your loved ones for a lifetime. Don’t even think about it. SAY YES TO LIFE !! 

 

Disclaimer: The above is not related to the writer's personal life.