LETTER TO OUR DEAR PM

Dear Manmohan Singh

How do I start? Hmmmm... Lemme just tell you that I'm very disappointed with you. I read it somewhere that you can find an intelligent and capable Sikh through the quality of his turban. Have you ever noticed that even your closest Sikh advisor, Montek Singh Ahluwalia, ties his turban in the opposite direction. I noticed that during your administration, other capable Sikhs like Harbhajan Singh never learnt how to tie one, J.J. Vallaya started keeping a pony tail and the other spin legend - Maninder Singh tried slitting his wrist. I feel your lack of turban tying skills has had an adverse impact on the Sikh community.

For someone who single handedly pushed upwards India’s economic revolution through reforms we had but no choice to make, your current form worries me. Infact, I was very proud of the fact that the Sikh community is perhaps the only one which has no beggars, and then Sonia Ji made you PM.
So, I am writing this letter to offer you my advice over few things. So, lets start...

1) Terrorism: Now I know why people have been spitting on you about being soft on terror just because you don’t hang Afzal Guru but I can feel your pressure.. Its understandable... Being a Sikh how can you hang anyone who’s got a Guru in their name? Your religion has ten and they sacrificed their lives for the country already. So how can we make another one a martyr? I totally get it.
You should at the earliest, fence India’s entire border regions with the 30 foot cutouts of The Great Khali with Rajnikant and Chuck Norris' jokes here and there. Not only will it scare the future Kasabs trying to enter Mumbai etc but also provide employment to hundreds and thousands of artists across the country who are broke and poor.

2) Price Rise: I can understand the fact that it is difficult for any PM to handle the price rise due to global economic meltdown. People don't understand this. But I am with you, Mannu. I realise what a genius you are by not giving the rotting leftover food grain to poor people for free. In one of his lectures, Shiv Khera had told, "For an individual to be successful in life – the most important thing is having the hunger." I know what you're trying to do. With this wonderful plan of starving people even though we have the capability to feed them all, you are actually empowering them and creating the desire in them to be successful. Oh yea, i can smell social entrepreneurship and capital venture. 

3) Tackling fiscal deficit: I know the economist in you is dying to tackle this problem single handedly. My suggestion to you is to sell the states of Bihar and Jharkhand to Japan. I guarantee you that these Japanese will invest in anything, especially any shit connected to Buddha. It makes sense, Mannu. Firstly, we already have existing Japanese tourists who visit every year. Secondly, the rate at which these states have been bringing down Human Development Index and GDP, it will portray a better image for India. Thirdly, lets not argue on the fact that its almost next to impossible to govern these states given the amount of corruption, murders, kidnapping and Naxal presence. It definitely needs the highest possible amount of discipline which only Samurai warriors have. Also, teen suicide rate in Japan is almost equal to farmer suicide rate in these states- thus making it an excellent socio-cultural fit.

4) Indian sports federations: I just want you to implement one simple rule when it comes to our sports federations. Please Mannu, make it mandatory for the chief of such federations to have/had or be able to play that particular sports. That's all i ask for. We don't ask him to be a champ in it, just be able to play. Like, if V.K Malhotra is Chief of the Archery federation, he should at least be able to hold and lift the bow for 5 minutes. 5 minutes is all this nation asks for. And for god' sake, can you please remove Jagdish Tyler as Chief of Judo Federation. Do you realize he joined it to defend himself from your Sikh community, if you know what i mean.

5) Gay marriages: Now that you have lost 90% of your supporters, there still lives a community who will definitely support if you do something for them. Mannu, its time you make gay marriages legal in our country. Won't it be fun if we have more of weddings and receptions in the country? more of yummy food!! How can you not appreciate this being a Punjabi?? It will be better for our country, it will attract more tourists and you can proudly stand tall and show to the world who's their daddy!

Last but not least, i hope you haven't got bugged up reading my letter. Its time Mannu. We want to hear what you've to say and know your true side than listening to your monotonous speeches which your speech writers feed you. 

So please, make an effort, loosen up a bit and lead us. We are waiting. 

Yours
People of India 

A MOMENT OF GRIEF.......

We always lose someone we love,
Sometimes we blame God
But everything has its own ending
A happy ending sometimes...
Some go to heaven, some go to hell
But at least they can't feel the pain
on this mean world anymore...
How people treated them while they were still alive.
When they were still alive,
We did our best to push them away.
But when they are gone,
We want them back....
We want them during the times
our house feels empty without their noise,
our phone being silent without their calls,
our nights without them...
the times when we need their advices...
the times when we need their hug while we are crying...
Their memories keeps us alive,
Their memories makes us to smile....
Makes us laugh, and at that point
Makes us cry sometimes....
We grab their clothes, their favorite stuffs
and pretend its him/her...
The last smile he/she gave you
while he/she was gone
The time he/she said.....
"You'll be alright, I'm goin' to watch over you"
The are not gone, he/she is just somewhere
Somewhere he/she can rest peacefully...
It tears our heart apart
Every time we smell their scent
Every time we see their photos...
The most hurtful part is when we left something unspoken,
We sometimes blame ourselves too..
Why not us!! Why it had to be them??
Life recycles,
When someone leaves,
Someone will come...
They are just like angels,
They are meant to be with you for a short time..
Make you happy,
Feel alright when you're down...
Death teaches us
How to love someone so much
while they are still alive...
Death is not a sad thing,
He/she will meet someone in heaven,
Someone they really love,
Who passed away long back...
We can't control death,
But what we can control is time
in our own ways....
Because  somewhere out there...
He/she is just watching you...
Still helping you...


(I wrote this to help my friend who recently lost her mother. R.I.P)

 

I AM SORRY....I REALLY MEAN IT....

“Would 'sorry' have made any difference? Does it ever? It's just a word. One word against a thousand actions.”- Sarah Ockler


Welcome to the 21st century where hardly any conversation is made without the word- no my friends, it is not f!@#k, though it is equally gaining popularity. it is the most magical word we homo sapiens have created. Ladies and gentlemen, i present it to you, "SORRY".

The word sorry is abused these days a lot by people. I am no exception. Now i feel that people no longer mean it when they say, like ‘sorry we are closed’ or ‘sorry I kept you waiting’. I even get meaningless apologies from TATA SKY (DTH  connection) when they frequently interrupt the telecast due to rain, and used to apologize with a screen that said ‘sorry for the interruption’. 

The value of sorry has started to diminish. Nowadays, if you really mean it, you have to specifically say so, like ‘I am sorry and I really mean it’ or ‘I am really sorry’. By the way, I am really sorry I don’t know who Sarah Ockler whom i have quoted above, is.

Every person offers apology for anything these days. Sorry has just become a word. It is free of cost. And it comes with the added advantage of making receiver happy. Like a husband saying sorry to his wife for forgetting their anniversary. However, there are still few people who think it is below their self esteem to utter sorry, no matter how wrong they are.

My funda is simple.  I, too am a human. I too make mistakes and sometimes have hurt people and and knowingly or unknowingly, it will happen even in the future. If my actions have caused any harm, offense, discomfort or inconvenience to a person, I apologize straightaway. Haa.. I apologize to you for this blog.

One important thing should be kept in mind. Timing. If you delay, the issue could get complicated and the injured party might not be open to your sorry business. But you surely would always be able to better Vatican’s timing, which apologises a few hundred years after the injured parties are no longer around, like when it apologized to Galileo in 1992 after 359 years. And yes, if you don’t ask forgiveness now, it is quite possible that tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty!

 I have come across people who give fake apologies. They are good at giving false apology, which sounds like a real apology without taking any blame for the action. Like the thief who is sorry that he is sentenced to 10 years prison and not that he is a thief!! Then there are few people in this world who get angry if the apology is not accepted. Like this guy in a movie who was caught two-timing and was shouting at his girlfriend, “I told you I am sorry. NOW what is your problem?” 

A really good method of apologizing is to seek forgiveness by bringing out to the other person’s good self. Probably getting a little emotional also helps. Like the other day when my mom was out of town and I was strictly instructed to water the plants which I happily forgot to do. I told her, "I am really sorry, but the beautiful mother you are, both from outside and inside and the kind hearted personality you have got which I hope to instil in myself one day, I know you'll forgive me". I got my favorite chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream that day.

But men, if you want a successful relationship or a marriage, then you must be willing to apologize to each other. Whenever you're wrong, apologize to your wife; and whenever she is wrong, apologize to her, like a true man

Just remember that to err is human. You will commit mistakes. small and big ones. You'll hurt people whom you love and who love you. The best way to correct wrong actions is to try lying, blaming others, making excuses or justify your actions. Or you could sing Akon's "Blame it on me".

If nothing works, open my blog and read this post. I don't know whether it will help you or not, but it will increase my page views count.

SOFT SPOT FOR ARCHITECTS.....

I am back with my imaginary buddy, Timmy. (My friends missed him a lot!)

Recently, I watched this movie 500 days of summer with Timmy.

Me: Timmy, I sorta like this Gordon handsome and you know what I just realized?

Timmy: It’s upsetting that a man like him should get a gorgeous girl like that?

Me: No

Timmy: Hmmmm... That I would have looked much cooler as Robin than him?

Me: Yuccckkkk... Oh boy... No...

Timmy:Then?

Me: I just realized that I have a soft spot for architects..

Timmy: You do?

Me: Gordon here acts as an architect you see. Then I like Ted Mosby too and guess, what is he?

Timmy: An architect?

Me: Yes! You see the connection here?

Timmy: Was a Hercules task Rini when you put it like that!! 

Me: But i got a problem.. :(

Timmy: What?

Me: I doubt I would understand much of what architects say.

Timmy: Is that a problem? Rini, you hardly understand much of what anyone says. 

Me: Hmmmm... yea, that's also true....
 

THINGS OBAMA ACTUALLY WANTED TO TELL INDIA DURING HIS VISIT...

1) First thing, Saw Mukesh Ambani's Antilla while we were landing. Now THAT's a building I wouldn't mind a plane crashing into. ;D

2) MIchelle is now the tallest man in India.

3) Accidentally said I was a Gandhi fan. Now have to mention it in every.speech.all.the.f^%#@!^.time. What i think about Gandhi is Nobel Peace Prize: Me = 1, Him = 0.

4) Indians everywhere are calling my wife Kali. I knew Michelle was strong, but didn't realise Indians thought of her as an Indian goddess. Yeppieee :)

5) Who are these Mantri Developers and why does my Blackberry have 300 sms's from them offering to sell me an apartment?

6) Researched a lot about India in Google before going there and I am disappointed that nobody offered me cow urine.. (sob..sob)

7) Just got off the phone with a young lady from some HDFC. Have secured major loans to get over the recession crisis. This trip is already proving a big time win. :D

8) I'm gifting Manmohan Singh a personality development and public speaking course with Deepak Chopra.

 

9) Mumbai is a fine city. It reminds me of New Orleans post Katrina.

 

10) I hate the Pakistanis. They keep saying the damn N word all the time.

 

11) There's no way I'm giving you guys access to David Headley. I saw what your cops did with Jamaal in Slumdog Millionaire.

 

12) I'm not running for a second term if I've to deal with this Rahul chap. what a torture that would be!! phewww...

 

13) No India, I cannot give you a UNSC seat through an OBC quota. (saaaaaryyy!)

14) Btw, why are you so keen on getting a Security Council seat when you can't even stop the Maoists from taking over 10 states?

 

15) That American companies' innovation skill is proved by the invention of McAloo Tikki burger.

 

16) When I ask for cheese they give me something called paneer. When I repeat "CHEESE" they start smiling. This is pissing me off.

 

17) Learnt a new phrase today - Zindagi jhand phir bhi ghamand

 

18) All I have to do is smile, say namaste and make an Amitabh Bachchan reference to make Indians dance on my finger tips. 

 

 

Jab I Met SRK!!!

 I was sleeping tight. I hope my mouth was not open because he would have seen that when he came and sat near me. He must have tried to call me cause by the time I woke up he was shaking me up. Hope he didn't think I was dead. When I woke up I stared for a second then tried to scream but I couldn't find my voice. He raised his eyebrows. “Shhh dont worry. Relax you are in a plane”

I continued to stare. What was he doing in my plane? I seemed to have forgotten the plane did not actually belong to me. He smiled. “Hi you know me right?” Whatever on earth I was doing, I was not talking. He offered his hands for a hand shake and whispered “I am SRK” I shook his hand and replied “I am RM” He laughed at this and whispered again “Shah Rukh Khan”. I whispered back “Rinita Mishra” He opened his mouth wide and said “Wow that's you!”

I sat up straight now. If this was a dream, I was beginning to enjoy it. I said “Ahh don't tell me you know me” He said “But of course! I watch every step of yours! I am your best fan ever! I mean who isn't? But I beat them all I tell you!” I tried to look modest now. I am not sure if I had any idea of what was going on. It was like we interchanged our roles. I signed his autograph book. I actually wrote “Hope you have a bright future ahead” and he insisted me to add this “And be it almost as nice as mine. Love, Rini”

So SRK carries an autograph book what do you know. How surprising it can be!! Then he asked for the weirdest thing. He asked me to touch his head and bless. Okay now this was going too far even for an interesting dream. I had to get out of it. Wake up RINI!!! Seems I did not wake up cause Sharukh was still talking “I normally don't like anyone touching my hair. I am kinda fussy about it you know” That sounded like my fav. man Jesse (If anyone watches the TV sitcom "Full House" would know) I said so. He didn't seem to like it. But hey something was wrong here. How come he didn't recognise me if he watched me every second? I asked that. But he didn't answer.

I woke up. Nope this was not a dream. This was a chunk of my imagination. A big chunk!! How else could I mess it up so much! Oh well it was good while it lasted! Hope he has not lost that autograph book.. ;)

BASIC E MAIL ETIQUETTE TO BE KEPT IN MIND!

From the title of this post, i guess you will have a fair idea as to what the subject is all about. There probably are hundreds of sites on email and chat etiquette; Still this is my attempt to list a few essentials that many of us (including me) forget to keep most of the time!

So as a reminder, here goes a few:

1) When a person whom you know has sent you an email or an offliner in your chat messenger,  we may not have the time to reply back the moment we look at it. Its okay to do that. But its not okay to completely forget about it. Make sure you reply within a day. This is important; as we often push for later and forget. People on the other side may not take it in the same absent-minded way we do. Some people get hurt, some get offended, others annoyed.

But most of the time, people don’t tell us about it, so we go on making the same mistake and they go on feeling offended. Of course, its all together a different story if there are personal reasons as to why you don’t want to respond to some people.

2) The above also works for sms'es or unanswered calls. We most often keep these things for later and it’s the same story again.

3) When you are about to leave, please let the other person know before you do so. Of course such a miss wont happen in real life because you can’t afford to disappear without people noticing it (trust me when i say that..been there.. done that!!).

 

What I am talking about is online conversation via chat you have started.If you suddenly decide the need to shut down and disappear, the person on the other side would feel that may be he/she said something that offended you. Please let them know if you want to go off and don't make them feel guilty. Again, I am telling this out of experience!! :P

4) When someone has sent you a mail or an offliner, please acknowledge!! You need not reply but you have to acknowledge getting it. This could be really annoying. I found that out when I was at the sender’s end. I send something and even after repeated did-you-get-its some people forget to type and send a simple “yes”.

5) Well those are few i could think as important, most of them from my own experience. But the most important acknowledgement which you could give to anybody on this planet is without the help of any sort of technology. It is the something which every person has in him/her -a simple and sweet smile. No one can ever get hurt by it and it does wonders to both the sender and the receiver.

On the other hand, when you take an absent minded stroll on a road and miss all the faces that smile at you and you being in your dream world walk with an indifferent air, you are putting the whole world against you. Trust me, you don’t want to do that!

I tend to be over-expressive and over-reactive on seeing a familiar face.I say my hi’s and bye’s with full on energy (not a good advice if you do that for the byes because people may just think you were looking to get away, which you probably were!! :P )

O' MY SHADOW....

O' my shadow

Come back to me

Lets go to some far away place

Where we could find a piece of solace

Every thinking is a blocked lane

Every moment is making me insane

There are locks to every heart here

Its a very difficult sight to bear

If it is possible, i would erase my name

Let me become just a human being with no shame

When it rains, it showers on everyone's house

Only a man asks for names

Which gives birth to twisted games 

Wish I could write on everybody's head, 

Write on everybody's hand

No one should be less or more, 

Give one name to everyone.....

Don't make pieces of this one land

Don't turn it into sand

When everyone are same

Then don't differentiate them

Love your close ones as much as you can

But don't hate me, my friend

Wish it was possible to color everyone's face

Let every human being guess

No one would be black or white

It would be a pretty sight

Give one color to everyone

Living under one sky and share one sun....

 O' my shadow

Come back to me

Lets go to some far away place

Where we could find a piece of solace.... 

STORY OF A PESSIMISTIC CLOTHE...

I just came out of the bathroom after taking a shower for a long time and was putting my used clothes into the laundry hamper.Putting those set of clothes was like a Herculean task.They turned out to be one mighty set of talkative clothes!!!

Clothe (C): Hey, what you goin' to do with me now?

Me: Put you into the laundry hamper.

C: And why would you do that?

Me: So that I can take all my used clothes to the washing machine later..

C: A washing machine? You mean I will get washed there?

Me: (sarcastically) Holla! you are so intelligent!

C: Are you crazy?? I will just drown in all that soap water! Washing machines are merciless machines. They just keep churning you in water!

Me: Would you please relax? All clothes are washed, okay!! It’s always been so! You are not the first one!

C: Don't you ever wonder why they stop talking once they are washed? Cause they die, you idiot!

Me: No offense, but clothes aren't living things. They are dead already so they can’t die again!

C: Alright alright... Go ahead and kill me, you inhuman human! But one day, I tell you, one day there is going to be a clothe court and they will see to it that justice is given to us clothes! And then take my word, be prepared to spend ages and ages in clothe prison!

Me: Sigh! So what do you want me to do? You want me to leave you all dirty?

C: I don’t mind.. :)

Me: Obviously, you won’t! It’s me who is going to wear you and not the other way!

C: So you don’t take shower either. I don’t mind having to spend my time with a dirty girl...

Me: What??

C: Oh yes... And that also means more free time for you. And that means more sleep.

I thought for a while. Though the offer did seem to interest me for a while I had to get back to reality.

“You almost got me there”. I took it to washing and the next time I took it to wear I heard someone cursing.

Me: Still alive?

C: Don’t talk to me :/

Me: What happened?

C: As if you don't know what happened! Miss Rini, You dipped me in soap water. Do you know what it feels like to have chemicals all over yourself? Killing me was better..

Me: But see, you didn’t drown..

C: No... now that I learned to swim I have no hope of suicide!!

LONG LIVE SLEEP!!!!

Imaginary buddy, Timmy and I at one of our useless hours (yeah, you are right!!we got plenty of them).

Me: Hey Timmy boy!

Timmy: Yes Rini?

Me: I made a discovery :)

Timmy: And what is it about?

Me: You know about sleeping

Timmy: Yea I know a bit about it.

Me: Hmmm.. Then you should know this too.

Timmy: What?

Me: It is a heavenly experience.

Timmy: Oh that!! Yea I knew it.

Me: Really?

Timmy: Yeah, knew it since i was a kid

Me: Good for you! Took me so many years

Timmy: You know what Rini... It is the sun

Me: The sun?

Timmy: Yes nincompoop, The sun!!

Me: What did the sun do?

Timmy: He rose

Me: He?? Err.. Timmy sun isn't exactly the same as SON! But anyway,coming back to the topic, "He" shouldn’t have, bad thing to do that.

Timmy: I know

Me: But sleeping, that’s an awesome thing

Timmy:Yes Rini!!

Me: Angelic

Timmy: Most wonderful thing on earth

Me: Not at all like the sun?

Timmy: Not at all like the sun. It rises

Me: And wakes up people?

Timmy: Exactly!!! Even those who don’t want to wake up

Me: That's really nasty!

Timmy: Very very

Me: I have an idea!

Timmy: what idea?

Me: We could hide it somewhere.

Timmy: The sun?

Me: Yea

Timmy: Don't you think that's little difficult.

Me: Well you know for the sake of sleep-loving nice innocent humans

Timmy: Yep..Worth a shot

Me: May be some day

Timmy: Yea some day

Me: 'Cause now of course, is our sleep time

Timmy: When is it not?

Me: Ah that’s the beauty of sleep Timmy boy!! No fuss. It comes any time

Timmy: There is nothing like sleep

Me: Long live sleep!

Timmy: Hail hail sleep

Me: Long...live.. sleee.. uhh…zzzzzzzzz

Timmy: Hail…. Snoreeeeeeee

THEORY ON RELATIONSHIPS :P

Latest theory formed by the RINI School of Relationships is that everyone who is in a relationship becomes helplessly immature. Study of varied specimen and speciwomen proved that every little thing seems like a volcanic gigantic problem at the time.

 

Cure: None so far since absence of the above symptom means relationship ceases to exist (or one of them is cheating).

Disclaimer: Theory comes from study/observation of sample pieces and has no direct link to author’s personal life.

Note: The author shall not take any consultations (no bar for consultation/ thank-you charges).

ME v/s MOSQUITO

It was 1 am. I was preparing myself to hit the bed  But at that time, I saw this mosquito playing around. As usual, I tried to clap my hands – with it in between. And as usual, I missed it. The mosquito, whom i have named Mos, flew away and found a spot on the roof to rest.
 

Me: Hey, come over here. It is my job as a human to kill you.
 

Mos: Haa...And it is my job as a mosquito to escape humans and bite them hard when they are not aware.

Me: That’s not your job! You have to do it if u don't want to die out of starvation!! That's your life.

Mos: Our job is our life.

Me: Haa! That is the only job you mosquitoes do! Look at us. We have got different jobs to perform. Some of us are accountants, some docs, engineers, artists, singers, journalists, etc. All of you are just biters! And not even specialized. Only human biting!

Mos: Yea but we are all just mosquitoes. We aren’t Hindu mosquitoes or Muslim mosquitoes or Christian mosquitoes.

Me: Oh… you got something there. Hmmmm... That's interesting. You know what, you will be the hero of my next story.

Mos: You humans are pathetic! You make everything a story!

Me: That’s because we are sort of imaginative species. How do you think you are talking now?

Mos: Uh… an undiscovered talent?

TIPS FOR TEENAGERS to BECOME NORMAL AGAIN!!!

Most of the young people (I say most because I am not too old! :P) don’t know how pathetic they have become nowadays.They live in a world where Sreesanth is a role model and Pepsi decides to name an entire country after them. But the truth is these young guys are illiterate, pretentious and largely clueless. In short, like Tusshar Kapoor. 

Thus, here is a list of steps they can take to become normal again.

Stop using “Ma”: I don’t know if you’re fans of Shashi Kapoor movies, but the next time you use “ma” in your sentence, someone will seriously break your teeth. Seriously, is this some faux attempt at proving your love for your mother? The word is “my”. Repeat after me.

“My name is Khan, and I’m a terribly horrible actor”

NOT

“Ma name izz Khan, I’m a superstarrrrrrrrrrr”

And while we’re on the subject, when did “Killer Shit” and “That’s gangster” become part of the lingo to express approval? What the hell is killer shit anyway? Do you suffer from anal cancer? And gangster? You’re telling me this happened because of Shiney Ahuja’s film of the same name? What time between the release of his movie and raping his maid did he bless us all with this ridiculous two words?

Stop watching SRK Movies: No. He is not the greatest actor of our generation and will never be. But i guess, you also believe he drives around Mumbai in a Hyundai i10 as well. Stop crying about him feeling bad that Kolkata loses almost every match in IPL. Stop telling me My Name is Khan was the greatest movie you ever saw. It only goes to show you have the same IQ as girls who scream in the movie hall every time Bobby Deol makes an appearance

Stop ranting about the EPL: NO ONE gives a damn about whether you support ManU or Barca. They’re not YOUR team and their success doesn’t mean that YOU won. No matter how many jersey’s you buy from a trip to China Market, no matter how many soccer shoes you buy and wear at inappropriate places, NO ONE gives a shit about it. Find some other purpose in life than tweet about players whose names you can’t pronounce and who you’ve only been exposed to in FIFA 2010.

Stop LOLing: If you take a walk down some parks early in the morning, you might come across groups of senior citizens holding their stomachs and making loud noises. I want you to observe this act very closely. It’s called LAUGHING. NOT LOLing. LAUGHING. Why the hell can't you laugh at a joke? Why do you have to say “LOL” in a conversation? It’s not a chat room where you’re trying to impress a bimbo.I’m standing IN FRONT OF YOU! Don’t you dare LOL me! If you want to smile, smile! If you want to laugh, laugh!

Stop showing me your boxers: Seriously boys, pull those pants up. I DON’T want to see your boxers. And I certainly don’t want to see your Fruit of the Loom. I don’t care if you’re wearing Rupa or Jockey’s. I don’t care if it messes with the chain that you’re hanging across the left side of your weird pants. For heaven's sake, Pull those idiotic jeans up!!

Stop pretending to be into hip-hop music: Just because your car has a bass tube (yea! i know what they are) and you listen to 50 Cent and Afro Man does not mean you love “Rap music”. Stick to rock, its easier to pull off being a fan of Nirvana.

Stop wearing Che Guevara T-Shirts: If the only thing you know is “he was the dude from Motorcycle Diaries”.

Stop putting obscure quotes and pictures as your status messages: Seriously, you’re trying to tell me you read Paulo Coelho's books like you drink water? Stop faking and pretending to be an intellectual. We all know you just Google quotes on love, success, friendship.

Stop reading Paulo Coelho: When the hell did Paulo Coelho become the must read author to prove your intelligence? Do you think reading “The Alchemist” is a short cut to become "the cool guy"? Don’t stick your stupid Facebook and twitter profiles with Paulo Coelho as your favourite author. It just tells me you don’t really read and just bought one at a railway station because everyone seemed to have one and you thought buying a foreign author book is much "cooler" than buying "Pinky" (though you badly wanted to read the latter!). 

Follow these steps, and you will definitely become a human being soon.