ME v/s MOSQUITO

It was 1 am. I was preparing myself to hit the bed  But at that time, I saw this mosquito playing around. As usual, I tried to clap my hands – with it in between. And as usual, I missed it. The mosquito, whom i have named Mos, flew away and found a spot on the roof to rest.
 

Me: Hey, come over here. It is my job as a human to kill you.
 

Mos: Haa...And it is my job as a mosquito to escape humans and bite them hard when they are not aware.

Me: That’s not your job! You have to do it if u don't want to die out of starvation!! That's your life.

Mos: Our job is our life.

Me: Haa! That is the only job you mosquitoes do! Look at us. We have got different jobs to perform. Some of us are accountants, some docs, engineers, artists, singers, journalists, etc. All of you are just biters! And not even specialized. Only human biting!

Mos: Yea but we are all just mosquitoes. We aren’t Hindu mosquitoes or Muslim mosquitoes or Christian mosquitoes.

Me: Oh… you got something there. Hmmmm... That's interesting. You know what, you will be the hero of my next story.

Mos: You humans are pathetic! You make everything a story!

Me: That’s because we are sort of imaginative species. How do you think you are talking now?

Mos: Uh… an undiscovered talent?

TIPS FOR TEENAGERS to BECOME NORMAL AGAIN!!!

Most of the young people (I say most because I am not too old! :P) don’t know how pathetic they have become nowadays.They live in a world where Sreesanth is a role model and Pepsi decides to name an entire country after them. But the truth is these young guys are illiterate, pretentious and largely clueless. In short, like Tusshar Kapoor. 

Thus, here is a list of steps they can take to become normal again.

Stop using “Ma”: I don’t know if you’re fans of Shashi Kapoor movies, but the next time you use “ma” in your sentence, someone will seriously break your teeth. Seriously, is this some faux attempt at proving your love for your mother? The word is “my”. Repeat after me.

“My name is Khan, and I’m a terribly horrible actor”

NOT

“Ma name izz Khan, I’m a superstarrrrrrrrrrr”

And while we’re on the subject, when did “Killer Shit” and “That’s gangster” become part of the lingo to express approval? What the hell is killer shit anyway? Do you suffer from anal cancer? And gangster? You’re telling me this happened because of Shiney Ahuja’s film of the same name? What time between the release of his movie and raping his maid did he bless us all with this ridiculous two words?

Stop watching SRK Movies: No. He is not the greatest actor of our generation and will never be. But i guess, you also believe he drives around Mumbai in a Hyundai i10 as well. Stop crying about him feeling bad that Kolkata loses almost every match in IPL. Stop telling me My Name is Khan was the greatest movie you ever saw. It only goes to show you have the same IQ as girls who scream in the movie hall every time Bobby Deol makes an appearance

Stop ranting about the EPL: NO ONE gives a damn about whether you support ManU or Barca. They’re not YOUR team and their success doesn’t mean that YOU won. No matter how many jersey’s you buy from a trip to China Market, no matter how many soccer shoes you buy and wear at inappropriate places, NO ONE gives a shit about it. Find some other purpose in life than tweet about players whose names you can’t pronounce and who you’ve only been exposed to in FIFA 2010.

Stop LOLing: If you take a walk down some parks early in the morning, you might come across groups of senior citizens holding their stomachs and making loud noises. I want you to observe this act very closely. It’s called LAUGHING. NOT LOLing. LAUGHING. Why the hell can't you laugh at a joke? Why do you have to say “LOL” in a conversation? It’s not a chat room where you’re trying to impress a bimbo.I’m standing IN FRONT OF YOU! Don’t you dare LOL me! If you want to smile, smile! If you want to laugh, laugh!

Stop showing me your boxers: Seriously boys, pull those pants up. I DON’T want to see your boxers. And I certainly don’t want to see your Fruit of the Loom. I don’t care if you’re wearing Rupa or Jockey’s. I don’t care if it messes with the chain that you’re hanging across the left side of your weird pants. For heaven's sake, Pull those idiotic jeans up!!

Stop pretending to be into hip-hop music: Just because your car has a bass tube (yea! i know what they are) and you listen to 50 Cent and Afro Man does not mean you love “Rap music”. Stick to rock, its easier to pull off being a fan of Nirvana.

Stop wearing Che Guevara T-Shirts: If the only thing you know is “he was the dude from Motorcycle Diaries”.

Stop putting obscure quotes and pictures as your status messages: Seriously, you’re trying to tell me you read Paulo Coelho's books like you drink water? Stop faking and pretending to be an intellectual. We all know you just Google quotes on love, success, friendship.

Stop reading Paulo Coelho: When the hell did Paulo Coelho become the must read author to prove your intelligence? Do you think reading “The Alchemist” is a short cut to become "the cool guy"? Don’t stick your stupid Facebook and twitter profiles with Paulo Coelho as your favourite author. It just tells me you don’t really read and just bought one at a railway station because everyone seemed to have one and you thought buying a foreign author book is much "cooler" than buying "Pinky" (though you badly wanted to read the latter!). 

Follow these steps, and you will definitely become a human being soon.