Dear Manmohan Singh
How do I start? Hmmmm... Lemme just tell you that I'm very disappointed with you. I read it somewhere that you can find an intelligent and capable Sikh through the quality of his turban. Have you ever noticed that even your closest Sikh advisor, Montek Singh Ahluwalia, ties his turban in the opposite direction. I noticed that during your administration, other
capable Sikhs like Harbhajan Singh never learnt how to tie one, J.J.
Vallaya started keeping a pony tail and the other spin legend - Maninder
Singh tried slitting his wrist. I feel your lack of turban tying skills has had an adverse impact on the Sikh community.For someone who single handedly pushed upwards India’s economic revolution through reforms we had but no choice to make, your current form worries me. Infact, I was very proud of the fact that the Sikh community is perhaps the only one which has no beggars, and then Sonia Ji made you PM.
So, I am writing this letter to offer you my advice over few things. So, lets start...
1) Terrorism: Now I know why people have been spitting on you about being soft on terror just because you don’t hang Afzal Guru but I can feel your pressure.. Its understandable... Being a Sikh how can you hang anyone who’s got a Guru in their name? Your religion has ten and they sacrificed their lives for the country already. So how can we make another one a martyr? I totally get it.
You should at the earliest, fence India’s entire border regions with the 30 foot cutouts of The Great Khali with Rajnikant and Chuck Norris' jokes here and there. Not only will it scare the future Kasabs trying to enter Mumbai etc but also provide employment to hundreds and thousands of artists across the country who are broke and poor.
2) Price Rise: I can understand the fact that it is difficult for any PM to handle the price rise due to global economic meltdown. People don't understand this. But I am with you, Mannu. I realise what a genius you are by not giving the rotting leftover food grain to poor people for free. In one of his lectures, Shiv Khera had told, "For an individual to be successful in life – the most important thing is having the hunger." I know what you're trying to do. With this wonderful plan of starving people even though we have the capability to feed them all, you are actually empowering them and creating the desire in them to be successful. Oh yea, i can smell social entrepreneurship and capital venture.
3) Tackling fiscal deficit: I know the economist in you is dying to tackle this problem single handedly. My suggestion to you is to sell the states of Bihar and Jharkhand to Japan. I guarantee you that these Japanese will invest in anything, especially any shit connected to Buddha. It makes sense, Mannu. Firstly, we already have existing Japanese tourists who visit every year. Secondly, the rate at which these states have been bringing down Human Development Index and GDP, it will portray a better image for India. Thirdly, lets not argue on the fact that its almost next to impossible to govern these states given the amount of corruption, murders, kidnapping and Naxal presence. It definitely needs the highest possible amount of discipline which only Samurai warriors have. Also, teen suicide rate in Japan is almost equal to farmer suicide rate in these states- thus making it an excellent socio-cultural fit.
4) Indian sports federations: I just want you to implement one simple rule when it comes to our sports federations. Please Mannu, make it mandatory for the chief of such federations to have/had or be able to play that particular sports. That's all i ask for. We don't ask him to be a champ in it, just be able to play. Like, if V.K Malhotra is Chief of the Archery federation, he should at least be able to hold and lift the bow for 5 minutes. 5 minutes is all this nation asks for. And for god' sake, can you please remove Jagdish Tyler as Chief of Judo Federation. Do you realize he joined it to defend himself from your Sikh community, if you know what i mean.
5) Gay marriages: Now that you have lost 90% of your supporters, there still lives a community who will definitely support if you do something for them. Mannu, its time you make gay marriages legal in our country. Won't it be fun if we have more of weddings and receptions in the country? more of yummy food!! How can you not appreciate this being a Punjabi?? It will be better for our country, it will attract more tourists and you can proudly stand tall and show to the world who's their daddy!
Last but not least, i hope you haven't got bugged up reading my letter. Its time Mannu. We want to hear what you've to say and know your true side than listening to your monotonous speeches which your speech writers feed you.
So please, make an effort, loosen up a bit and lead us. We are waiting.
Yours
People of India
